A smile

So, I began the process of sorting through Collin's clothes today.  Hoping, that one day, we will have another baby-I just packed everything into neatly labeled plastic boxes sorted by size. Stored them away in my cedar closet.  Satisfying.

It was fun looking through the baby clothes - I found his tiny newborn sized coming home outfit that was actually huge on him.  Several snap-up-the-front onesies that I dressed him in any chance I got when he was 3 months old.  The blue and white terrycloth outfit that I loved but my dad said it looked like he was wearing a towel. (It did not look like a towel, really!)  I found the 9 month outfits I most clearly remember him wearing here at home on our one-month break from the hospital in February 2009.

It was not fun when I made it to the 18 month and 24 months clothes that he was wearing in the last 9 months of his life.  I miss him so much.  I miss him so terribly much.  I want to be letting him pick his favorite outfit, dressing him for the day, and going about our business.  I want to be putting those sweet PJ's on him at night.  Not packing away his clothes into boxes.   But this is the situation I'm faced with - living life without my baby here.

It broke my heart to take his clothes off the hangers - knowing that he probably put the clothes on those hangers with his daddy's help.  Laundry was one of Collin's absolute favorite things to do!  He loved helping us sort, put the clothes on hangers and hang his clothes in the closet.  He felt like such a big boy.

But the packing had to be done.  And now it's finished.

And I found something at the bottom of the PJ drawer.  Did Collin leave it there?  It was the "smile" from a Mr. Potato head.  Doesn't that just seem precious - one last smile from my baby to his mama.  I love my boy and his smile and I can't wait to see him again.